The Bus (Phan fiction)
by paleprxncess
Summary: Dan and Phil are on the American Leg of their stage show tour. Phil won the rights to sleeping in the buses only proper bedroom through a game of rock-paper-scissors. All was going well with the boys and their tour, until one night when everything takes a emotion filled turn.
1. Chapter 1

* Rated M for language, slight sexual content, and emotions. *

 **** DISCLAIMER - I don't own Dan & Phil, everything here is simply my creativity. (~: ****

The Bus (A Phan fiction)

Author: paleprxncess

"I'm think I'm going to turn in," said Phil, rubbing his sleepy eyes. He and Dan had been living full time on the bus for nearly a month now, and although it appeared large, it was actually quite small with multiple people on it.  
"Okay, I think I am too. I just want to get a few more of these emails out of the way, it seems like they've been coming in twice as much as before we left." Dan sighed, staring at the five digit number next to his inbox folder.  
"Okay, see you in the morning. Sleep well, bear." Phil muttered softly, immediately realizing the nickname he had just called Dan. Staring at each other for a few seconds, both boys could feel their faces burning red and their stomachs drop. Phil quickly turned and retreated to his room, wondering why the pet name that had gone unused for years slipped out.  
Dan blankly stared at his inbox, all interest of answering emails suddenly drained from him. All he could think about was Phil referring to him with the same pet name that was whispered to him on sleepy mornings for years before everything went south.

~Two years ago~

"Dan, it's getting harder and harder for me to keep this relationship a secret," Phil said, staring into Dan's eyes. "I mean, think about it. Really think about it," he said as he took Dan's cold hands in his, squeezing them gently. "Our fans are getting better and better at catching our slip ups and seeing normal things between us as more than they are."  
Dan was staring at the floor, his heart in his throat. His worst fear was losing Phil, the person who was everything he had and his entire life. He returned Phil's gaze, feeling himself start to shake as Phil listed all the perfectly valid reasons they shouldn't be together anymore. Dan had to admit that these thoughts filled his head every day, but he never imagined they might become a reality. He always wrote it off as being too worried or scared of getting hurt.  
"I still want to be friends. I want to live with you, and I want things to continue as they are, just less… relationship aspects. Your room should be more than a place to shoot videos again." Phil spoke, trying to keep his voice from audibly shaking. He knew that this was hurting Dan as much as it was hurting himself.  
"You're right. As much as it hurts me to admit it, you're right Phil." Dan's voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke, his gaze drifting from Phil's eyes to their hands.  
"Please, I don't want things to be awkward between us. We have this incredible bond and friendship; I don't want to lose that. It'll just be easier for us like this. Not at first, but eventually. I really am sorry." Phil said, slowly letting go of Dan's hands.  
Dan stood, quickly turning away from Phil so that he didn't see the tears slowly slipping out of his eyes. "I think I'm going to go visit my parents for a bit, I've been meaning to and I think it's the best thing for both of us right now."  
"I agree," said Phil, watching Dan's tall figure disappear down the hall.  
Phil sat with his head in his hands, desperately trying to hold himself together long enough for Dan to leave. He could feel his breaking point creeping closer and closer, then he heard Dan quietly coming down the hall. Quickly sitting up and wiping the tears on his hands off on his pajama pants, Phil turned and looked at Dan.  
"I'll keep in touch about when I'm coming back. Obviously, we aren't going to let people know I'm not home right? Dan asked, fiddling with the zipper on his duffle bag. This was nothing more than a distraction to keep from staring into Phil's light blue eyes, the eyes that gave him so much happiness and comfort in even the simplest of moments.  
"Of course," Phil said, moving towards Dan. They hugged, their embrace light and simple like one exchanged between family members at holiday meals. They both knew that if they lingered too long, it would end with them both crying messes in each other's arms. "I love you, bear. I truly do."  
Dan simply nodded, picking up his bag and walking out the door, gently closing it behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

~Present Day~

Phil lay in bed, staring at the ceiling of the bus. The road they were traveling down was quite bumpy, so he knew sleeping was out of the question for the time being. Thoughts of years prior flooded his mind. Everything from his and Dan's first kiss, to the mock wedding they held one late night when they were on cloud nine with each other was racing through his mind. He was so preoccupied in his thoughts, he didn't hear Dan softly tap on his door. When he looked over, he saw Dan's pale face peeking through the doorway, patiently waiting for Phil to notice him. Phil jumped when he noticed Dan, then immediately calmed down.  
"Can I come in?" Dan whispered.  
"Of course" Phil replied, scooting over in his bed to make room for Dan. The boy sat down gently on the bed, making sure to keep his distance from Phil. "Do you want to talk about earlier?"  
"I do, but I don't know what to say. I know that it was just a slip up, but it brought back so many god damn memories. Especially from that night." Dan spoke quietly, keeping his eyes glued to his hands which lay folded in his lap.  
"It did for me as well," said Phil. "It's all I've been thinking about for as long as I've been in here."  
"Two hours? That's a long time." Dan said, quietly chuckling.  
"What? It's been two hours?" Phil asked surprised, grabbing his phone and looking at the time. "It felt like twenty minutes, tops. I guess I just got lost in my thoughts."  
"Yeah… I tried sleeping, but I couldn't. there's just too much to think about." Dan said, shyly glancing at Phil.  
Phil caught Dan's glance, gently staring back at him. Before he could even think about what he was doing, he wrapped himself around Dan as tightly as he could. In his mind he knew that this was a dumb, impulsive idea that would more than likely make things difficult for both of them. But he heart was screaming for him to show Dan how much he meant to him, regardless of the consequences.  
Dan was slightly taken aback when he felt Phil's warm body against his. Part of him wondered why this was happening, but he had been so desperate for some form of affection from the man he still loved, he wasn't going to question it too extensively. Wrapping his arms around Phil, he squeezed him gently but firmly, just like they used to when they had returned home from places where they couldn't show their affection freely.  
Time seemed to stand still while they hugged. They weren't sure quite how long they spent wrapped around each other, but by the end Phil was crying and Dan was pulling him as close as humanly possible.  
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," Phil whispered over and over again, Dan responding with "It's okay, it really is," as he pulled away from Phil.  
"No Dan, it isn't. I should have stuck it out. Things would have been so much better for the both of us if my selfishness hadn't ruined the most perfect thing in the world. Every time I look at you, guilt is eating away at me." Phil said, burying his face in his hands.  
"Phil, you were doing what we both thought was best. At the time, how would we have known how things would actually be afterwards between us? We couldn't have." Dan whispered, scooting closer to the boy again.  
"I see it sometimes, how much I've hurt you. I see how you look at me when you think I'm not looking. I can see the pain and the love all at once in your eyes, Dan." Phil whispered, feeling his hands slightly trembling.

Dan blankly stared at the floor, not sure how to respond to Phil. Part of him was glad that Phil had noticed what the breakup had actually done to him on the inside, but the other part of him, the part that cared about Phil more than anything in the entire world, was sad to see him hurting.

"Listen," said Dan, his voice quiet. "I'm not going to lie to you, what happened really fucking hurt me more than I can ever describe with words. I spent months feeling like my entire universe had shattered into a million tiny pieces that couldn't even come close to being put back together the same way. But I got over it. Not fully, to this moment it still hurts sometimes when I see you talking to other people or just start thinking about it. But you know what?" Dan asked, gently taking Phil's hands in his. "I've gotten to spend what ended up being the best years of my life with you right by my side almost every step of the way. It doesn't matter what relationship we had, as long as you were there. That's all that's ever going to matter."

Phil stared at Dan. Even though it was dark, he could read Dan's face. He knew what he was saying was truthful, and not just lies to keep him from breaking down even further, but that didn't change the guilt that was slowly but aggressively eating away at him from the inside out.

"Will you stay with me?" Phil whispered, not daring to look Dan in the eyes.

"I'll always stay with you, Phil." Dan replied, quickly slipping under the covers of Phil's bed.

Phil snuggled into Dan, his arms around his waist and his head rested on Dan's chest. Dan's hands quickly found their comfortable old spots on the back of Phil's head, and tracing along Phil's arm. Soon after, Dan could feel Phil's weight increase on him, and hear his breathing slow. He watched quietly as Phil's head rose and fell on his own chest, the steady rhythm slowly causing him to fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

~The next day~

When Dan awoke the next morning, he immediately noticed that Phil was gone from the bed. Looking around, he noticed a note on Phil's pillow which read

" _We fell asleep watching Buffy (;_

 _~Phil"_

Relieved that they would have a matching cover story, Dan quietly left the bedroom. Coming into the living room area, he saw Phil sat at the small table on his laptop, drinking coffee.

"Good morning," Dan said quietly as he made his way to the kitchen.

"Oh hey, good morning." Phil replied, glancing up from his laptop and giving Dan a small smile.

"Where is everyone?" Dan questioned, looking around and noticing the lack of people usually crowded onto the bus.

"They're in the venue setting up." Phil replied, turning his attention back to his computer screen.

"Oh, I hadn't even noticed we weren't moving anymore," Dan muttered, filling his glass with water and mentally noting Phil's increased distance since last night. "So, we're alone?" he questioned, sitting across the table from Phil.

"Yeah," the other boy replied, his eyes still glued to his screen.

Dan tried to read his face for any sign of hidden emotion, but there was nothing that stood out. Phil was keeping his feelings deep inside, like he usually did when he was upset or bothered by something.

"Phil," Dan said, gently pushing the laptop closed and watching brief annoyance flash across Phil's face as the other boy looked across to him. "We need to talk about last night."

"No, actually, we don't. There's nothing to talk about." Phil replied, opening his laptop and returning to whatever was on his screen that was obviously more important to him than Dan was.

Dan was slightly taken aback by the coldness coming from the usually kind, sweet, loving, and caring Phil. He stood, leaving his water on the table and retreating to the bathroom. He mentally vowed to try and talk to Phil later, when maybe whatever was happening in his brain wasn't bothering him so much.

~Later that night~

Phil lay in bed, staring out the window in his bedroom. He was thinking about how cold he was to Dan earlier, for no apparent reason to the other boy. He felt guilty, but at the same time wondered how Dan was oblivious to what he was feeling, as he could usually read Phil like a book. Opening his phone, he scrolled through the pictures that him and Dan had taken together so far while on their tour. They looked genuinely happy in all of them, and for the most part they were. They both felt like they were making something great out of their lives, and for the first time, Dan felt like he wasn't a failure. Out of impulse, he opened his text messages, and started a thread with Dan.

P: "You awake?"

D: "I am. What's up?"

P: "Can you come here? Please?"

D: "Yeah, give me a few minutes."

Phil stood, hiding behind his bedroom door, pressing himself flat against the wall. He watched the doorknob nervously as it slowly turned, the door gently swinging open inches from his face. Once Dan was safely inside his room, he pushed the door closed with his foot. Dan looked around, puzzled. Before the other boy knew what was happening, Phil had Dan pressed against the door, their bodies against each other. He kissed him as deeply as he could, his hands finding their way into Dan's hair. Dan let out a quiet surprised moan, grabbing at Phil's shoulder blades, kissing him back just as passionately. After a few long moments, Dan broke off, resting his head against the wall and curiously staring into Phil's soft blue eyes.

"What was that for?" he asked, feeling himself start to blush.

"I'm sorry, about earlier. And I'm sorry about ever letting you go," Phil said, gently running his thumb along Dan's cheek as his hand rested on his neck. "I don't feel like I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I've never been more sure that doing what I did was my biggest."

Dan felt butterflies throughout his entire body. A part of him had always dreamed that him and Phil would get back together, but there was the other logical part of him which had convinced himself otherwise. Dan went to speak, but Phil cut him off by gently pushing his lips into Dan's. This kiss was loving and tender, the best way he could show his true feelings in the moment.

"You don't have to talk. Hell, you don't even have to take me back. I wouldn't take me back. I can only imagine how painful this was for you, if it was anything like it was for me. I just want you to know how truly sorry I am, because we never talked about it until last night. We thought that it was easier that way, for the both of us."

"Phil," Dan said quietly, squeezing him as tightly as he could. "There isn't a single situation that I wouldn't take you back."

Phil buried his head in Dan's neck, squeezing him as tightly as he possibly could. Moving to face Dan, he had the biggest smile spread on his face, which in turn made Dan have the same thing. They kissed as they held each other close, and time seemed to stand still.

 **That's all for this story for now! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! xx**


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